


lock up your back door/gonna set your soul on fire

by MeansToOffend (goodmorning)



Series: Pick Me Up (Again) [10]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: 2010-2011 OHL Season, 2017-2018 NHL Season, Bro Culture, Calgary Flames, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, honestly i should probably have made it worse, the first half of this is only mildly fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 02:13:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18064613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodmorning/pseuds/MeansToOffend
Summary: "Sean almost quits."or;"But then there's Johnny."





	lock up your back door/gonna set your soul on fire

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14117733) by [MeansToOffend (goodmorning)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodmorning/pseuds/MeansToOffend). 



[lock up your back door]

Sean grows up with hockey as his first and only love. In Grade 3, he doesn’t chase girls on the playground, he dreams of chasing the puck. In Grade 7, he doesn’t ask them out for nervous first kisses, he works on keeping his balance after each new growth spurt. In Grade 10, he’s not evaluating their… stickhandling, he’s working - but that’s not quite true. He’s got hormones, same as anyone else, and he definitely imagines other people touching his dick.

Except. It’s not girls.

And maybe he knew this all along, in the way he’s always been the most eager to lean into a celly, the way he sort of likes the heat and the sweat of a locker room, in a weird way. But he definitely never thought-

He almost quits.

But he’s loved hockey for so long, and not only is he in the O, he’s also one of the better players on the team in his first year. He has a real shot to make the NHL. He also has no idea what else he can even do with his life at this point. And, of course, there’s a guy. Sean knows he shouldn’t try anything with a teammate, but he gets an offer of mutual handjobs and he doesn’t want to say no.

One thing leads to another; he ends up giving his first blowjob at 16, in a cheap hotel in Windsor. He doesn’t say anything about reciprocity, but he kind of raises one eyebrow. The guy just laughs in his face. “Dude, are you serious? That’s so fucking gay. You think I’m some kind of fag like you?”

He almost quits.

He doesn’t quit. The team or the ‘relationship,’ if he can even call it that. He’s getting something out of it, anyway, so he guesses he can. Probably not to anyone else though. Especially not his… whatever he is. Instead Sean spends a year being not-quite-fulfilled, telling himself something is better than nothing, googling ‘how two guys have sex,’ lying on his stomach and burying his face in a pillow every time they do because his face and his dick and his voice all “kill my boner, dude, seriously, stop.” 

And then he’s broken up with, if that’s even the word for this. “I have a girl now,” is all he gets, and then he’s alone on the team bus, feeling hollow and nothing else. He looks out the window. There’s a rainbow outside, the sunset fading all the colours except green and yellow, an ugly old bruise against the pretty peach sky.

Sean almost quits.

(But He Can Play.)

[gonna set your soul on fire]

Sean knows he’s falling for Johnny from the moment it happens. He’d really rather not, but feelings don’t care if they’re wanted. He doesn’t hate being gay anymore, in an abstract sense. He’s accepted that he’ll probably go unfulfilled in his personal life for the foreseeable future. He’s also decided he’ll never make the mistake of sleeping with a teammate again.

But then there’s Johnny.

Johnny is cute, small, witty, with a wicked sense of humour and a backbone of steel, and Sean is perfectly fine with the fact that they’re always going to be just friends. Johnny is a great friend to have, on and off the ice, and Sean loves him for it. As a friend. Yes, he also has a giant crush, but-

Actually, the giant crush is what makes him reconsider. Johnny takes the team to the same steak place they always go to, even after bragging that he was going to find the best place in town, and Sean wants to lean in and chirp him for it. But the crush ties his tongue, and the words that come out are, “Do you come here often?” He’s about to apologise, but Johnny - Johnny goes pink and forgets what chewing is, and Sean - Sean finds that weirdly encouraging.

So he keeps doing it, getting more brazen with the pickup attempts, watching Johnny pink up, look at him in interest, until it all comes to a head in the team’s usual bar. “I might think you’re serious,” Johnny says.

“And if I am?” Sean replies, which is how they end up awkwardly sitting on Johnny’s couch for too long, until Sean gets up the courage to say, “I better score here, because Johnny will be mad if I don’t,” and then it’s kissing, which he’s never really done before. It throws him off; he asks Johnny to fuck him, then immediately kind of regrets it. What if he’s not into that, into Sean like that, into men like that? He seems eager enough, but Sean - suddenly, he doesn’t trust it. Any of it. He feels weirdly unready.

But then there’s Johnny.

The part of Sean that wants this is stronger than the part that’s unsure, and he stretches himself, gets in the same position he’s always been fucked in before. Johnny is shorter, has to nudge his knees apart so he’s lower, and that makes Sean shiver in a couple ways he wants to think about later. He can’t now, because Johnny says, “I want to hear you,” and that - is it a trap? But when he moans, Johnny doesn’t grumble. He reaches around and - Johnny’s touching his dick, and Sean-

“Just - harder,” and Johnny does it, still cautious but so good, and when he shifts there’s a catch and a rush of sensation and he keeps doing it, so perfectly, and-

“Touch yourself,” Johnny pants behind him, and Sean does, but what really gets him off is imagining Johnny’s face when-

They both come. Sean catches most of his in his hand, not even thinking about it.

When Johnny comes back he licks some of it off Sean’s stomach, and that - that’s not something he has any experience with either.

He tackles Johnny onto the bed, kissing him as hard as he can, and _Johnny kisses back._

**Author's Note:**

> \- I knew exactly what the plot for this one was, I just couldn't bring myself to write it until I figured out how to end the first part.  
> \- Monahan played junior for the Ottawa 67s, of the OHL, from 2010-11 to 2012-13. You Can Play was founded in March 2012.  
> \- Titles are from this season's Flames goal song ("T.N.T.", AC/DC) and last season's ("Righteous Smoke," Monster Truck), in that order.


End file.
